Pets

A profile for the Royal Mint

Bru is getting old. You wouldn't know it if you saw him at the park tearing after the ball, but at home he mostly sighs and sleeps and makes huffy noises. We just bought him a plush new dog bed of faux suede and braided silk trimming, and he spends most of his day sprawled out on it like a sultan.

There is a new addition to the household: last weekend we made the trip up to a rainy, traffic-clogged Toronto (the Don Valley Parkway was closed for some reason...this is like closing the femoral artery and telling the toes they'll have to get their blood some other way) and visited four different rabbit foster homes in search of a girlfriend for Zooby. We had only planned on looking at the first three bunnies, but at the third home, as we debated which of the three skittish and not-so-Thumper-from-Bambi but more-so-Rabbit-from-Winnie-the-Pooh-type critters we should settle on, it was suggested that we visit a fourth rabbit, the aptly-named Blossom, then living in a nearby flower shop. After about two minutes with Blossom we made our decision. She's a black, medium-sized dwarf and rex mixture. Her ears act independently; one points to three o'clock, the other to eleven, like some sort of punk hairdo from the eighties. Unlike Zooby, who, for all his sheer cuteness, would rather sniff and run away than snuggle, when picked up she nestles into the crooks of arms and chins. And in the truest litmus test of whether she should be my pet, I can't prevent myself from addressing her in cartoony voices and goo-goo-ga-ga talk. I couldn't see myself doing this with the other three candidates; they seemed like they would either bite me with their ugly pointy mouths or faint dead in my hands. But Blossom is a doughy, docile little doe. However, now that she no longer lives at City Flowers, her name has lost its fit; I've never seen a jet black blossom on any flower, at least not on any that are still living. Most rabbits, Blossom included, don't respond to their names, so we're trying to come up with something more suitable. Suggestions are welcome. Yes, I will actually let you see what she looks like: visit Shauna's blog where she is currently headlining.

Now, we have not brought home a female bunny so that our male can fulfill his nagging urge to hump the bejesus out of something. That nagging urge is fading, as he was neutered a few weeks ago. Rather than mate Zooby and The Bunny Formerly Known as Blossom, who is spayed, we want to bond them. This is a tricky process; you can't just put two rabbits in the same cage and expect them to cuddle up to each other and be lovey dovey. The little buggers are actually quite territorial. When Zooby and Blossom first met on neutral territory, they touched noses for a few seconds---we thought this was a sign of affection, but it turned out to be more like two boxers touching gloves before coming out swinging. A bunny fight is at the same time nasty and somehow cute, like a pair of three year-olds going at it. You don't want to let them do it for long, as there will definitely be tears, but you know no one will truly get hurt. For bunnies the accepted method is to spin around in a furious, tight little circle while biting one another on the butt, like some sort of angry, fluffy yin and yang. Z and B did this for a bit until Shauna and I managed to separate them. Though Zooby is the more aggressive bunny, I think he got the worst of it, as Blossom went back to her cage with a triumphant tuft of his grey fur on her chin. Since then we've kept them separated, though now their cages are next to each other in the living room. They'll stay like this for a bit, until the next step, which is to put Zooby in Blossom's cage and vice versa. That way they will be forced to get used to each other's smell, and to accept its presence in what they consider 'my territory'. The ultimate technique that many veteran bunny bonders (there is a cult of these people out there, and they're strange, strange, strange) use is to put both bunnies in a small portable cage and to take them for a ride in the car. Bunnies find the car a scary thing, and most often would rather huddle together with the enemy than brave a drive alone. Bonding by intimidation; seems a bit harsh, but with the animosity between B and Z right now, we just might have to try it sometime down the road. Another technique that we're currently using is the stuffed toy emissary. When we first brought Blossom home we kept her cage in the bathroom, where Zooby does not roam. We thought she might be a bit lonely in there, so we bought a grey stuffed bunny at Value Village and put it in the cage with her. She mostly ignores it. It has, however, taken on her unique bunny scent, and so we tried putting it in Zooby's cage as a form of pacifying diplomat from a warring nation. It turns out that Zooby follows the rules of war about as well as the Vikings might have, as he immediately flipped out, biting and stomping on the poor stuffed bunny in an attempt to kill the messenger. When it neither fought back nor ran away, Zooby retired to the opposite corner of his pen and sulked. Don't be fooled by his sheer adorability; he's 2.5 pounds of pure spite sometimes.

Just now I tried putting the envoy in Zooby's cage again. It wasn't pretty. There was stomping, biting and bunny poo was scattered everywhere. I think I had best call the UN.

Dramatis personae:

The unfortunate emissary

The indomitable princess


















The petulant prince













The confused king


















The meddlesome god